Wednesday, August 4, 2010
ugh, why does this always seem to happen to me. i always fall for the wrong guys and then things get said, things are thought and then he, meaning you, can't be honest with me. you lied to me, you have been lieing to me. i let them all slide but now they are getting to big for both of us. you don't pick me up in the middle of the night to lie under the stars and talk. and you certainly don't almost have sex with someone who doesn't mean much to you. you're right, you don't have a commitment issue, but you aren't afraid of getting hurt. you only used that as an excuse because you didn't want to hurt me. you are just like him, dragging everything out. i'm always the one to walk away hurt. but not this time, i will not let you do the same thing that elliot did to me. i'm ending this... this... whatever this is anyway! call me when you decide what you want.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
4TH OF JULY
I hope that you're having a better day than I am!
It started out alright, i woke up from a dream that was just A-mazing! my best... well i should say one of my best guy friends (FWB) realized how much he actually liked me, and realized how much he missed talking to me everyday as a friend and ended up calling me just to talk! yeah i know it doesn't mean much but it gave me something to think about.
But then i woke up and i opened my email account. i looked for my AP Bio worksheet that my teacher was supposed to send me a while ago and then i cam across my horoscope.
that's what it said. sadly.
it was like a slap in the face, i had been to "dreamy" with the whole thing, but i have to admit that i have not forgotten about it. in fact the whole time i was with my family today that's all i could think about. well let me tell you, don't ever think that your friend with benefits will ever really see you more than just someone to make out with and stuff... you'll spare yourself a lot of heart ache.
any way, i've been writing again. i stayed up late last night just writing away like a mad man! i have seven pages, it's not much, but it's a good start. i'll be sure to post some stuff when i get the chance (in other words... when i feel like it).
Sunday, June 27, 2010
a lot of things have happened
first, i got a car!
second, i am so tan from going to the beach almost everyday
third, i think i'm in love with my best friend...
i don't know why though, i told myself that i wasn't allowed to fall for him because he would never love me more than the other girls. i told myself that i should watch out because everything that we did together never really means anything. he told me he didn't want a relationship, i have seen him go into rooms with other girls and shut the doors, he's told me how much he likes girls in general. but i can't seem to get him out of my mind, i mean don't get me wrong there are other guys that i like too but he is just... just... different. i can't really explain it... sadly.
so i started writing again. it kept me up to the early hours of the morning today. as i began writing, it hit me, there is no way that someone can sit down and write a novel that does not have some form of love in it. friendship is love, mothers love their daughters, fathers love their children, sisters love their sisters. there is just no way around the whole love concept! it's every where we go, it's the very air we breath! we can't live without it and even through all the murders and suicides and the wars, it still exists, that's what makes the human race so interesting!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
30 seconds to mars!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
satire homework
anyway, im going to call it a night, my brett is supposed to call me anyway so we can talk about our horrible lives!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
the complete list
The List
so the guy that my best friend was trying to set me up with is awesome.
he is so funny!
and he is pushing me to do stuff that i would never have done, like today we are supposed to go for a bike ride on some dirt path! i would never even think about doing that on my own!!
i can't stop thinking about him...
it's weird, i would never have thought that i could possibly feel this way about someone so soon after what happened with the other guy.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
been a while...
i'll buy you ice cream!
maybe...
anyway, i will have you know that i am still writing, singing and working on completing The List!! oh and don't worry, i am still the same person!
i am going to the movies with my girlfriends today! we are going to go see how to train your dragon! yeah, i know it's a little kid movie, but right now i don't care.
my fingers keep tripping up on each other, i keep getting ahead of myself!
i need to chill.
well this morning, around nine, i was awakened my a text message from my good friend Brett. he wanted me to come meet him and this guy he is trying to set me up with, at big boys! it's nine in the freaking morning, and you want me to come down to nasty big boys for breakfast??? i don't think so!!! so i told him i would do something tomorrow instead.
speaking of the guy that Brett is trying to hook me up with, his name is Dan and he is kind of cute. he is a senior where-as im a junior and he can drive and stuff!! i don't know if things will spark when i talk to him but, what the hell? why not give it a whirl?
anyway, i'm out! my stomach is growling, i am in serious need of food!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
something like the buried life
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Scene: boy and girl sitting on a bench, the wind barely blowing and they are sitting there exchanging silence for silence. They steal sidelong glances at each other hoping that the pain will go away. He reaches over and covers her hand with his; she drags in a sharp un-easy breath.
Girl: I let you in.
Boy: I know.
Girl: no you don’t know! You got to see the real me, and not very many people get a chance to see that. I told you everything and for the first time in… well forever I let someone in and I wasn’t afraid either, I actually wanted you in. I wanted you to see who I was.
Boy: we all belong with someone in the end. There is some one out there who will love us for who we are. I just wasn’t the guy.
Girl: but I love you.
Boy: I know, I can see it in your eyes, the way you look at me. And I hope you know that I love you too.
Girl: then why can’t we be together again?
Boy: because we aren’t meant for each other, we don’t match.
Girl: we aren’t meant for each other? Who is to say that we aren’t? I am sure that there is more than one guy I could easily be happy with.
Boy: I’m just not one of them.
Girl: [silence]
Boy: I know that I have hurt you, I know that I am hurting you but don’t be afraid of love because when it is real it is a hell of a lot scarier than this, don’t be afraid to show him who you really are. And I promise you that he is out there and he will love you more than I will ever be able to.
Scene: they look at each other one last time, soaking up each other’s scent, looking back at the memories, their hands kissing. The wind changes direction and they stand and walk their separate ways, but both heading towards an unknown world in a more terrifying state then they had left it.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
cheesy!
Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?
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Monday, February 22, 2010
maggie
“Maggie, can you go pay?” Sarah asks handing me a few twenties. She doesn’t even look up from her cell phone. I look out the window, out side its pouring – great!
“Urg, but its pouring,” I moan through clenched teeth. I unlock the passenger side door and step out. With my hood thrown over my face I run through the rain. It’s a short distance between the car and the store doors but im still shivering and soaked to the bone when I step in.
There was a radio on playing some weird 80’s hair band music. The guy behind the counter was tapping his finger on the side of his leg. He had dirty blond hair that fell in his face and he looked at something on the counter. He looked like he could have cared less to be there. I walked over to the back of the store to where the Slurpee machines were.
He started singing with the music. It was like I wasn’t even there. I kept looking back at him to see if maybe he would jump on the counter and do a little dance with the song – he just looked that into it. I grabbed a medium sized cup, still watching him out of the corner of my eye. I put the tops on both of the cups and filled one half way with fruit punch and the other half with coke. I set that one on the counter and grabbed the other one. I pulled the lever and started to fill it with coke. I looked over my shoulder. The guy seemed to be in his own little world. He had grabbed a mop and was singing into the handle, and dancing with it. he looked like he was having so much fun.
I felt something cold running over my hand but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. he walked over to the radio and turned the terrible song up! He was singing with it – I have to admit, he had a pretty nice voice. He picked the mop off the floor and dunked it in a bucket full of water then flung it over the floor as he danced and sang with the music. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
My hand was freezing now, I looked over at it. The Slurpee had spilled over the edge of the cup and was running down my hand. I cursed under my breath and let go of the lever.
“Napkins, napkins. Where are the stupid napkins?” I whispered to myself. I looked around and found them. And to my luck – ha ha – there was only three left. I started to wipe off my hands but only managed to knock over Sarah’s Slurpee, making an even bigger mess. Only me, right?
I bent down to the floor and started to clean up the mess. I could feel my face starting to burn; all I wanted to do was walk out of the store and never come back. With my luck he’ll probably notice my mess and yell at me. just wait, you’ll see.
“Do you need some help with that?” someone asked from behind me. the voice scared me, I tried to get up but hit my head on the counter top. “Ooh, are you okay?”
“Man. Only me. Ouch,” I said, carefully standing up and rubbing the top of my head. I turned around and the mop guy was standing in front of me. “I… uh, made a mess.”
“Yeah you did,” he laughed.
“Im sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and it over flowed and then I knocked it over and… you should really put more napkins in that…thing. Because someone like me might walk in and make an even bigger mess. You know there was only three. Im sorry I really shouldn’t be allowed to go anywhere. Ya’ know? Maybe I should just be put in quarantine because im so prone to accidents,” I look at him and I know I’ve done it again. “Im sorry, I tend to talk a lot when im nervous, it’s a disease im afraid. One that no one but me seems to have. My mother never had that problem and… oh man, im doing it again aren’t i?”
“Yeah,” he smiles.
“Im sorry.”
“So I heard.”
“Im s…” I put my hand over my mouth to keep me from saying it again. He laughs at this, and now im pretty sure he thinks im mentally retarded.
“I’ll be right back, hold on.” He holds up his finger and then disappears behind a door. he returns a few seconds later with a mountain of napkins and paper towels. “im afraid this is all we have, I hope its enough for your mess… I mean look at it, it looks like a tornado came in here or a Slurpee blizzard.”
“Sorry.”
He sets the mountain of napkins on the clean side of the counter and grabs a few off the top, I do the same. We are both on our hands and knees cleaning up the floor.
“you don’t have to help, it is my job ya’ know.”
“Well I feel bad, I mean it looked like you had already cleaned and it’s my mess so I want to help.”
“I’m sorry about…” he points over to his mop that he was dancing with earlier. “I didn’t think anyone was here.”
“Oh, yeah no, I usually go un noticed most of the time any way so its no big deal.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“I know,” I say nodding, I wasn’t trying to get back at him for saying what he did, I was just telling the truth.
We slopped up the rest of the mess on the floor and I started on the counter. He grabbed his mop and soaked it in the dirty water and cleaned up the area around my feet. I tried to hop out of his way but it didn’t help much. When we were both done I turned and leaned against the counter.
“I think I just gained a pound of arm muscle.” I joke flexing my arm.
“Let me see,” he barely squeezes my arm but his touch sends something through me. “Yup, those are huge!”
“Who knew Slurpee’s weighed so much.”
“yeah, I’ll go ring you up, was there anything else you wanted?”
“uh, yeah my friend wanted to fill up her tank,” I hand him the money she gave me and our hands brush against eachother. He looked at the huge amount of money I had just given him.
“um…how much?”
“uh…” Sarah didn’t say anything about how much money she wanted to put into it. “all of it… I think. I don’t know, she didn’t tell me.”
“alright,” he smiles and we turn away at the same time.
I grab both our Slurpee’s and start to turn back. the floor beneath me is slippery with dirty water and my shoes don’t have the best of grip on the them. I slip and just when I think I’ll make another mess again, two hands grab me around the waist.
“That would have been ugly,” he smiles.
“Thanks,” I say laughing; this day couldn’t have gotten worse.
I turn around to face him and my foot slips again. He doesn’t take his hands off my waist so he caught me again. I was facing him and I could tell that he had blue eyes. They were as blue as the ocean and he smelled like peppermint and stale tobacco smoke.
“Ya’ good?”
“Yeah, I’m alright.” I start to walk again and I can feel his hand on my back.
He walks around the counter as soon as I’m off the wet floor.
“uh… so your Slurpee’s are on me. since you made a mess.”
“oh, no I cant let you…”
“I want to.”
“I can’t…”
“stop! I want to.”
His face is so close to me, his eyes are so intense that I have to lean against the counter as I feel my knees go weak.
“ok,” my voice alters.
“see ya’ around.”
“okay,” I say and turn around.
I pull my hood up and run through the rain again. Sarah is leaning against the car, texting some more, as she fills the tank. I take a swig of my Slurpee and hand her hers which she takes with ready hands. Sarah is either talking about her new boyfriend or texting him whenever I’m around. Sometimes it gets annoying but I like the silence. I’m just afraid to see her get dumped because I know it’s going to happen and she will be crushed. I lean against the side of the car with her. We have been friends for so long that even though we aren’t talking we both seem to know what the other is thinking. Its like a sixth sense, this unspoken conversation. I feel like I’m two or six or thirteen standing next to her in silence.
There is a little click and she looks up from her phone. She puts the nozzle back and tells me to go and get the change. I take another sip of my Slurpee and set it on the passenger seat. I run back through the rain to the store door and jump inside.
He looks up from a magazine from behind the counter and smiles at me. He closes his magazine and leans over the counter to give me my change. There something white sticking out of the pile of one dollar bills. I decide to look at it later. I take it and our fingers brush again.
“my name’s Nick by the way.”
“Maggie… my name’s Maggie.”
He smiles and I slip out the door and into the rain for the fourth time. When I get to the car I pull the white piece of paper out of the wad of cash and look at it.
please do not steal this.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
day 35
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
day 19
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
day 18
Friday, January 22, 2010
Day 14, i think!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Day 8!!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Day 4! *spoiler alert*
You'll wake the thought police"
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Day 2
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Day 1.
100 books challenge
Friday, January 8, 2010
If we cut out the bad
Well then we’d have nothing left
Like I cut up your mouth
The night I stuffed it all in
And you lied to the Angel
Said I stabbed you to death
If we go at the same time
They'll clean up the mess
"cut up angels"
the used