have you ever wondered why most movies are about meeting some stranger, kissing in the rain, falling in love, getting hurt, making up, and then getting back together again. it's always about the beginning, the fun, the butterflies, the first... everything. what about the end? what the pain? what are we supposed to do when we are confused, and hurt? how are we supposed to know that is alright to cry in the bathroom stall, to look ourselves in our rooms and listen to sappy love songs, to visit the places where we held deep conversations or had our first kiss?

i love him.

there is nothing else much to it. other than it has been a month since he broke my heart.

but it's true.

hey!! i'm listening to The Killers and my mood is definitely lifting...

ha ha, life is good!!!

i have some friends over in about a half an hour! we are going to play the new Clue game! the one with the text messages and stuff, we are going to get really into it, i can just feel it! ha ha, any way... i don't know but that's alright! i have a new book idea Captivate by Carrie Jones!

day 19

woohoo!! day 19!! that only means 346 days left, 8,304 hours, 498,240 minutes!!!! 498,239. 498,238...

anyway! so i'm NOT having a good day today, i'm confused - as usual - but i'm not going to rain on anyone else's parade. if anyone is actually reading this.

hello?

are you out there?

is SOMEONE listening? i need to know because i can't bear to do this alone...

anyone...?

day 18

we have our mid-term exams this week starting today, and things haven't been looking good all day. first hour was fine, but my second hour exam was horrendous! i had forgotten my calculator for my stats exam and then i found out that the note card i made and left on the kitchen table was acceptable to have on my desk at school! And then right after second hour exam, when everyone else got to go home and eat i had to stay after school for over three hours for solo and ensemble!! i went into the practice room and practiced with the pianist and he said that i sounded good and that he was confident. but when it was my turn to go up and sing i totally spaced out and forgot my words! now i have been singing that blasted song for three months and i had forgotten the words!!??? i don't understand... so anyway i had to start over and well... to say it in the most blunt of terms i sucked! majorly!

and to top off my day, my ex boyfriend/friend, blew me off in the hall. i was walking with my guy friend and he was walking with his best guy friend and we were heading towards each other - with no one else in the hall, mind you - and he didn't even politely smile at me at the least! but i guess he talked to my sister. i don't know what i should think of that...?!

but on brighter terms i went out to borders the other night and my mom bought me Sophie's World! i am super excited to read it, i guess it's very philosophical! which is awesome!

but i'm really getting into 1984 too! i can totally see why my ex likes it, it's so 'stick it to the man' type of thing!!!

I have found a new muse! Norah Jones, i love her voice, i wish i could sing like that.

well i'm sure i could rant on some more about my boring life but i won't, for now at least!

see ya!

Day 14, i think!

i haven't really been writing much here but i have been busy with choir. we sang today at the MMC (Michigan Music Conference) which is kind of a BIG deal! we were one of three choirs who got to perform!!! one was a middle school (who were really good considering they were only middle schoolers, they had a really good balance which doesn't happen all the time because the sopranos are usually in your face!) and the other was another high school. they were both really good! but i still think that we kicked their butts!!!!!

while i am on the musical topic i just finished watching Fame! I thought it was awesome. insanely awesome!!! i loved watching the dancers, it's crazy what they can do and i was blown away by how fast the girls figures moved across the piano keys! just absolutely amazing. but the thing that really struck home was the singing! i have to admit that i'm jealous! i really wish my voice didn't sound like nails on a chalk board!

bet i just made you shiver, thinking of the sound!

yep, now i got you!

-awkward-

so i'm pretty far into The Lovely Bones, though i'm not quite done yet! but it is really good, sometimes i don't really know where it's trying to go but then something big happens and i'm awestruck at how well the writer uses suspense! i love a good story, but it's even better when the writer is good! i won't name any names (twilight) but i think you get my point...

I have finished Hamlet and i must say that it is one of my favorite Shakespeare piece! The plot and the characters are amazingly constructed. Shakespeare knew a lot about the human mind, it's almost like he can see things that other people can't. we could all learn something from William.

but right now it's time for me to cross hamlet off the list of books to read!

So i texted my ex boyfriend (whatever i said his name was) and told him that i wasn't mad at him, that everything just kind of ignited the other night and that i was sorry i was angry. but i probably should have called him to tell him, that way he would have replied with something and he probably wouldn't have misinterpreted what i had said. i think he saw it as i was upset because he broke up with me, which i was because i still like him but that wasn't why i was so agitated. I keep everything looked up inside and i just keep adding gun powder to the barrel and then some little thing sparks and the whole thing goes up in flames! So what ignited it was being there, at school, for 12 hours straight, plus he thought i was mad at him and ignored me.

But i still haven't gotten a reply and i see him tomorrow at school, so as usual i don't know what to do. but i think i am just going to talk to him tomorrow and tell him what really went down.