so i hate myself for being such a coward. i really want to know where the old me went. the girl who wasn't afraid to speak her mind, who didn't care what people thought of her. i need to find her, because i need her, i can't leave things unsaid but i'm to afraid to confront him. i wish i was strong enough to face this, i wish everything was back to normal.

i can't get away from him. he is everything i see, he's every where i go, the music i listen to. he is in my dreams which is the worse because i can't control them.

i want him back, i want to hear his heart beating against my skin, i want to smell his musky scent, i want to feel him next to me.

and every time i ask myself whether or not it is just the absense of 'something' of being touched, or held, i always say no. i don't imagine myself with any of the others guys in school, i only see his face when i close my eyes. it's him that i see when i sing, when i Muse blares through my stereo. it's him that i miss.

i only wish now that he could somehow magically come across this website and read everything on it, then he would know.

he would know that even though i hate him, i still love him.

even though i think he is the dumbest guy on the face of the planet, i don't really think that.

i wish that i could tell him about the rumor that i heard, i wish i could punch this girl, who probably had a big role in the breaking up, so hard in the face that i break her nose. ok so maybe not that hard but i still daydream of pushing her down the stairs! ooo it is so tempting...