Day 8!!

So i haven't written for a few days, so i'm sorry!! i have had a lot on my mind the last few days, it has been pretty chaotic here.

I am in choir, and i am participating in Solo and Ensemble this year, which i kind of don't want to do, well i kind of did at one point, but i felt obliged to do it because my private voice teacher wanted me to do it last year, but i didn't. so at the beginning of the school year she asked me and i hesitated but agreed to do it. i was confident, i thought i was alright and i was having fun. but now, everything is solo and ensemble this, solo and ensemble that. thursdays were the days that i looked forward to, the days were i went home, played on the computer or watched TV and then i went out and sang songs for a half an hour! but it's not fun anymore. i don't want to sing for a grade, i just want to do it because i like doing it.

on top of that, jake (my ex boyfriend, but don't worry that's not his real name), ignored me the other day even after i screamed his name!!! my friend yelled for him too, and he looked at her and then one of his friends came up to him and started to talk to him, and then he just walked away!!!!

so i was going to talk to him, because he thought i was mad at him, which i wasn't until he ignored me. sometimes i really think that he is just too popular for his own good. but i couldn't talk to him, because i was fighting back a thousand tears and i was loosing the battle.

im not mad at him, it's just everything isn't going the way it should.

i haven't written anything in... forever, and i am usually always writing something, even stupid songs and crap like that.

plus my voice teacher is up my back with all the S & E stuff.

i have lots of projects due, and i, being the procrastinator that i am, am stressing about it like crazy!!!

plus my friend has been trying to set me up with this guy, who talks way too much for me!!! and his jokes aren't that funny, and he has to use at least five swear words in every sentence that rolls out of his loud mouth!!! plus he's a jock - need i explain any further? i think not!

and on top of that, i can't seem to get rid of these planets on my face!!!!! they will not go away, and over night more seem to magically appear. and the really annoying part of all that is the fact that i am doing everything that my dermatologist has told me to use/do!

well i apologize, it's kind of a long read but, i had to get it all out there... somewhere...

Hey guys! so today, well actually last night, i realized something that was in relationship to the book 1984 and Muse!!

they have a song called Eurasia!! check it out if you are reading the book, if you arent reading it, it wont make any sense why i'm so fascinated my it!!!

today this guy i know, my sister and i were talking over by the choir room and my ex boyfriend looked over at us as he walked to lyon singers (which is a part of choir of course). i didn't really see him since the guy that i was talking to (who also likes me) was standing in the way, but my sister told me that my ex did like five double takes! What? I'm not allowed to talk to other guys but you're allowed to let other girls fawn all over you? I think not!! Sometimes i think that he can be the most selfish creature on the face of the planet and yet, everything he does is for other people! he hates disappointing others, and getting bad grades and hurting people. he is also way to popular for his own good sometimes and he can NOT sit still!!! But i don't hate him, he just gets under my skin sometimes, like a tick, and latches on so that it takes bleach and knives to cut him out.

But still on the topic of our healing relationship... today in british literature, we interacted with each other more than what we have been in the past, he was joking around, poking fun at me because i am so easy to make fun of, and he touched the top of my hand. I know, i know, it's not healthy to be dwelling on that kind of thing but i'm not, i'm trying to say that it was alright, i didn't die inside when he did make contact with me! i'm healing, slowly but surely! somedays it is harder than the day before, some memories come rushing back at me so fast that i loose my balance, but i manage to get back up. i'm alright. it's okay.

Day 4! *spoiler alert*

So I was listening to my new favorite band, Muse, and i realized something in the lyrics that goes back to the book 1984! here are the lyrics:

"Kill your prayers for love and peace
You'll wake the thought police"

The Resistance, Muse

In the book 1984, there is this organization thing that is called the 'thought police' and basically what they do is find anyone who thinks about fighting against everything that is set up within the government and then they kill them.

So is it coincidence or is purposefully put in there? Did they know about the book? So many questions, so few answers... (bah, bah, BAH) - jk!

i am also adding another new book to my list.

The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova

Alright, so today is day 3!!!! wooohooo....

After school today, i went dancing with some friends at school. We have this class that teaches you how to dance!!! I'm not kidding!!! even for those who are challenged at things like that (me)!!

But i had a lot of fun so it's alright.

Lovely Bones is going to be pretty high up on my recommendation list. I swear! You know how some books take a hundred pages to actually get interesting? Well i'm only on page 55 and i am totally hooked.

In brit lit today we were watching Hamlet, to kind of get a feel of what we have been reading and i was the only one who was completely awe struck by it all. I love the language, it's beautiful, i really wish that we still talked like that. I was sitting at my desk and my friend was sitting next to me and i could see him out of the corner of my eye look over at me and give me this crazy look like; 'you actually understand what they are saying?'. But what can i saw, i'm a shakespeare freak!!!

1984 is really interesting too! If you havent read the hunger games and catching fire by Suzanne collins i would definitely consider reading that first. they are so similar and yet they are so different.

well that's all i have time for. i have to go to a board meeting to show support for choir, since they are making budget cuts. they can't change salary but they are willing to sacrifice our education!? i dont get it...

Day 2

So I know this sounds kind of crazy but i am reading three books at one time.

Hamlet and 1984 for my brit lit class and then the lovely bones for myself.

sounds painful.

believe me it is!

I added more books to my list of things to read. i still don't have 100 yet but i have 52 so that is close enough for now.