MUST DO

GO TO CLUTCH CARGOS IN PONTIAC MI. ON MARCH 13 TO SEE B.O.M.!!!!!!!!!!!

so i realized something this weekend. something kind of big.

i am not the only one who has ever experienced heart ache. and as long as humans still walk the earth, heart ache will just keep on circling right along with us.

i can't go backwards, but that doesn't mean i can't try to make the future happier and nicer to look at.

i have decided to be friends with him, to clear the air, to tell him everything that i have on my mind and let him have it good. but i want to work on being friends, and like my mom said, who is to say that something WONT happen in the future. now i don't want to give myself false hope or anything, but my best friend is still in love with her ex boyfriend and he still cares for her. they act like an old married couple! i, secretly, want to share that with him. i want something like that to happen to me!

anyway... i love Muse. no really, check them out!!!!

so i hate myself for being such a coward. i really want to know where the old me went. the girl who wasn't afraid to speak her mind, who didn't care what people thought of her. i need to find her, because i need her, i can't leave things unsaid but i'm to afraid to confront him. i wish i was strong enough to face this, i wish everything was back to normal.

i can't get away from him. he is everything i see, he's every where i go, the music i listen to. he is in my dreams which is the worse because i can't control them.

i want him back, i want to hear his heart beating against my skin, i want to smell his musky scent, i want to feel him next to me.

and every time i ask myself whether or not it is just the absense of 'something' of being touched, or held, i always say no. i don't imagine myself with any of the others guys in school, i only see his face when i close my eyes. it's him that i see when i sing, when i Muse blares through my stereo. it's him that i miss.

i only wish now that he could somehow magically come across this website and read everything on it, then he would know.

he would know that even though i hate him, i still love him.

even though i think he is the dumbest guy on the face of the planet, i don't really think that.

i wish that i could tell him about the rumor that i heard, i wish i could punch this girl, who probably had a big role in the breaking up, so hard in the face that i break her nose. ok so maybe not that hard but i still daydream of pushing her down the stairs! ooo it is so tempting...